A Screeching Halt

About a month ago, I got some really hard news.  My birth mom was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  They estimated she had 6-7 months to live.  The best way I can describe finding that out was like a car coming to a screeching halt. Prior to this, I had lost friends and a colleague to cancer, a friend to heart failure and grand parents.  None of them were easy.  Some were a little easier to get through because I knew it was coming....old age for example.  But with my birth mom, she's too young to be dying and we're blood.  I feel like I'm one of the lucky ones.  I was adopted.  I met my birth mom and relatives and over the years thanks to facebook, I've been able to stay connected. But I've taken so much for granted.  I just assumed that she would be around until she was old like my grandpa had been.  He was nearly 100 when he passed.  He had a very full life.  I'm sure she has too but she's still got more years to go.  And then cancer and not the kind that you can run to surgery and be done with it.  So a month ago I was faced with the reality that this person who brought me into this world might not be in it much longer.  It was shocking.  It still is.  It's heart breaking and I've found myself wondering if she can get cancer, can I.  Should I continue to ignore all the minor aches and pains that I get?  Where do I draw the line?  And then I worry that I will lose my connection with my blood relatives.  Yes I do have a connection with my brother, my sister and one of my aunts but it was through my mom.  It's really hard to describe how important it is to me to have a connection with blood relatives. And then I think about my mom.  How terrifying this whole thing is?  Right now she is seeing a specialist in Mexico who has has good results with lasers and tumors and she is seeing results.  I'm normally very optimistic about most things but every day I'm glued to the internet watching to see if there is news.  Is it good?  Is it bad?  Should I be on the next plane to WA?  But I get those pessimistic thoughts because of the friends I have lost to cancer.  One was in remission for years and then suddenly she wasn't.  The others didn't get years.  They only got months before the disease took them. So I'm terrified that one those messages is going to be the one that says they can't do anymore and she's coming home but not because she's well. I've gotten really good at putting on my happy face and going through the day but it's always in the back of my mind.  Wondering if my mom is ok.  It might seem strange that I could feel so strongly about someone I haven't seen face to face in many years.  And I can't explain it.  It's that connection.  I met her for the first time since birth when I was 21 and like I said before.  I was lucky.  Not all people who are adopted meet their biological parents and even those who do, not all have a happy ending.  But I did and I don't want it to be over.  I will be going to WA this year.  The when will be decided when I know how things finally end up with the specialist.